by Zulfikar Filandra

If I feel like there are so many things I don’t know –

then I can’t do anything.

 

But I want to. I want to make many things and do a lot in my life.

 

Then - I wil have to stop.

 

Although I haven’t been doing anything much for the past 27 years but eating information from the internet and devouring television and books and media, I will have to stop doing that - and make something.

 

The amount of things to know is overwhelming.

 

The amount of references is
overwhelming.

 

We are visited by a group of nice Dutch people. They hail from nice art schools. I feel like I have to rise up to the conversation. I don’t want to embarrass my city or my school.

 

We will introduce ourselves
through references.

 

I know my references.

There are not so many.

 

Yes. We all love Sonic Youth.

We are brothers.

 

But.

What is the degree, the amount, the quantity of the required visibility - for something to turn into a reference?

For something to become a. Reference.

 

So, the problem (the frustration) is:

David Bowie is a reference. Hito is. Hans is. Eno is. But why Mak isn’t?

Or Saidin?

 

Isn’t his pain enough?

Mine.

 

But - time flows equally everywhere.  At equal speed. The key to.

 

And I am only getting older.
And more older. This time creates anxiety. As references do. The references that there was no chance I could master. Actually, yes, I do want to rise to the conversation. But there are so many experiences, ref-er-enc-es, that I carry with me that you cannot communicate with – our experience of: war, siege, war, brutality, mass killing, rape, hate, war, transition, then again war, poverty, transition, famine, Yugoslavia, communism, East, transition, Islam, periphery.

 

What about them?
What about these experiences?


What should we do with them?

How do we carry them?


Where do we drop and leave them?

 

It seems that, It seems like:

 

We are not equal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Is there a perspective from which being here matters?



 

 

 

 


Where is the centre?

 

Within.

 

 

How does it feel to be from
Papua New Guinea?


Do you scroll and dream about
things that you cannot have?


You cannot be white.

And we cannot understand each other.

 

 

Cosmic scale.

 

 

 

I do understand the riots in London 2011 and brothers burning Tescos. It’s frustrating not to be white and not to be able to fuck Cheryl Cole.

 
I feel for my brothers.

 

No one is equal.

 

Kim Kardashian is white.

 

Bosnia is small. Europe is big.

 

The small is always anxious in the presence of the big.

 

However, if you would observe the planet from a distance, if you were to hold it in your hand and throw it like a ball, maybe Bosnian would be more beautiful than English.

 

The Centre Cannot Hold

 

Brotherhood of the screwed-up.

 

Ben Frost.


What is the centre?
Where is it, under-brothers?


There would be no racism if there was no centre. And there would be no fascism.

 

 

 

ATWT:
You know, over the last few years there’s been a lot of attention paid to this notion that you’re somewhat of an outsider amongst documentarians.

 

Werner Herzog:
I’m dead center. I have always felt like
I am standing in the centre and all the
others are outsiders.

 

Hito, to hear about you I had to meet a student of yours at a gay wedding in Vienna. You know there could be no gay wedding parties where I come from.

 

Hito is so important.
Hito matters.

Hito was married to a Croatian guy. Does that make Balkan more important? She often quotes and names artists from Yugoslavia.

 

 

 

Proud?











 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fuck Hito

 

 

Kim Gordon:
People pay to see others believe in themselves

 

They indeed do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were driving in an old bus from our homeland to our capital and you were telling me about an artist who decided to stop trying to catch-up with everything and to move into woods. He is probably right.

 

Does it matter what his name is?

I am only 28

 

Let’s build something together.

 

!



p.s.*

 

Sanjala sam jedan san. Veliko more koje nas je progutalo. Ako ne sanjam rat onda sanjam vodu i ti snovi sa vodom su uvijek uzbudljivi ali prelijepi. U njima nikada ne osjećam strah jer znam da će da se završe pobjedom iz koje ljudi izlaze sretni i kao takvi savršeni.

 

Sarajevo, 22.12.17

 

 

Zulfikar Filandra (1989, BIH) is a film and theatre maker based

in Sarajevo

 

 

*

p.s.

 

I had a dream. A great sea devouring us. If I don’t dream (about) war then I dream water. And these dreams with water are always breathtaking but beautiful. I never feel fear in them because I know that they will end with a victory from which people emerge jubilant and like that, perfect.

 

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